Everyone’s favorite aunt has a drug habit!

I don’t want to sound alarmist, but sometimes you have just got to call a spade a spade.

This is the next installment in my toys = truth series, I know you may not have expected to see such hard hitting journalism on a toy blog but all I can say is this… I am not messing around here people!

The focus of today’s expose is on none other than the beloved Aunt May from the Spider-man series of comics. She first appeared in August 1962 in Amazing Fantasy #15 (which of course is also Spidey’s first appearance). Typically she is portrayed as caring, loving and nurturing, particularly when it comes to her favorite nephew Peter Parker.

Look at that face, who wouldn’t by a car from someone with a face like that?

Well let me tell you, nice old Auntie May has a dark side… a very dark side.

As you might expect, even though she has been in the Spider-man comic series since its beginning, Aunt May Parker has been pretty overlooked by the toy industry. Why? Oh I dunno… nothing says action more when it comes to action figures than an elderly grandmother right? R-I-G-H-T!

Here is the Aunt May 8″ figure from the Famous Covers line made by Toy Biz back in 1997. It was their attempt to reignite some of the old Mego magic from the 70s. Even though some of the figures were cool, and in fact cooler than the original Megos, as a line though they fell well short of the mark.

Anyway this Aunt May toy isn’t just any old figure oh no, this was a mail away exclusive. Yep, coupons needed to be clipped and checks sent in the mail to get you hands on this puppy. I know a bunch of you think that is totally lame but I don’t, in fact I would say that this was one of the few instances where the manufacturer got it right. How many times have you encountered a limited edition toy or scarce variant that turns out to be the best piece in the whole series? As I think back I get the answer, “almost all of the time”. I frikkin hate that! Exclusives are great, chase pieces are sweet, but when you make it nigh impossible to get the best stuff all you do is alienate collectors and line the pockets of the scalpers (booooo!), two things that are sure to lose you business over time. So what is it I like about a goofy not so great looking Aunt May mail away figure? To tell you the truth not much and that is exactly why I never got one. However for the hardcore fan there was something more out there… everyone wins. If only the other companies would employ this strategy it would be great for the hobby… and my sanity, we can only hope.

Now that I have finished praising Toy Biz for their strategic work let me bring you back to the matter in hand… the toy itself.

It is a little manly don’t you think? Isn’t she supposed to be kind of frail and matronly? Instead she looks like she could palm a basketball and take you on in a game of one on one. This does not look like the image they were shooting for originally. Here is a detail from the box for this figure.

Instead we get, and here is the big story, drug addict Aunt May!

It appears that our old heroine is a little fond of the old heroin! Yep Aunt May went a little Winehouse on us.

Look at the symptoms… classic addict. 

1. drawn features
2. sunken eyes
3. intense stare as if desperate for her next fix
4. bad skin

No, I am sad to say that the tragic death of her husband Ben ended up being just too much for this lady to bear. She needed some relief and took a turn down that oh so familiar path. If only someone could have stepped in sooner to help.

Let’s assume that the pinhead look is just poor sculpting, but the rest? No pass there.

The other thing that has me worried is this.

Her clothing is just a bit too ratty and disheveled looking, more classic addict behavior associated with just letting yourself go. For the Brits out there her stockings are classic Nora Batty.

It is a shame that there is only one other figure to represent this classic character.

Fortunately the Lego folks decided to model their minifig on May during a happier time in her life.

As I close up this post I know some of you are still reeling from the shocking news you saw here, well I was sorry to have to do it but ToyNerd is all about reporting the facts and as we all know sometimes the truth can be painful.

It now falls upon you to spread the word, please send a link to this page to at least a couple of people you know. Maybe someone somewhere knows poor old Aunt May and get her the help she rightfully deserves.

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