Sometimes a thing can look just like a car accident.
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about the terribly gruesome ones that involve loss of life. No, I’m thinking about the kind that occur at rush hour on the day before Thanksgiving. You know what I’m talking about here, stuck in a stop and go line of cars for about an hour. The line takes up all three lanes of the highway and is backed up for two and a half miles. Sound familiar? Yeah it does. Anyway at a certain point you discover this whole nonsense has occurred because there is a car off on the side of the road with a flat. The back up? Completely due to idiots rubber necking. I for one despise that and the lot of them should get tickets for slowing everyone else down.
From time to time I see toys that remind me of just this type of situation, the only difference is that this time I am the party guilty for the rubber necking.
Yes, some toys that have been made are so heinously terrible you can’t help but look at them, and in my case buy them. The more terrible, the more I want them. A sickness I know but… I don’t know why that is, I guess it is just another weird thing about me to add to my lengthy list.
Anyway, here are some items I stumbled on in my basement recently that fit the bill perfectly.
Running for a full four seasons and an unbelievable eigthy eight episodes we have the show VIP. Starring Pamela Anderson as the hero, Vallery Irons, this show is… well it is a whole pile of later nineties drivel. It is because of this fact that I think of this show, and especially these toys, so rubber neck worthy.
The back of the package is even worse, you have just got to read the copy. Sheesh!!
This three pack of 6.5″ figures made by Play Along Toys is just unforgiveable, I mean they look practically nothing like the real life actors. Hey maybe they saw the writing on the wall and decided to distance themselves from this project altogether… either that or it was piss poor execution of the concept. You decide…
So confident of their impending success with this line that the manufacturer even released these figures indidually packed. I just want to say for the record that they were 100% wrong. I would value these figures at, well, actually, pretty much nuthin’. I think I got my three pack in 1998 not long after they were released for a paltry $2-3. If you too were looking to add these to your own collections of terrible toys, or you just want to satify your own pervy desire to own a 3D likeness of Pamela Anderson, I would guess a flea market would be the place to go.
Not stopping at just action figures they also added 12″ dolls in the Barbie size range. In some ways this is even worse than the action figures as the clothes are just so slutty it’s amazing. I mean look, you can see her little booty shorts riding up and bunching in her crotch… classy one there Pam.
This too came in several costume variants. Comment below and let me know which one you pick for the worst of the bunch.
Hope to see you next week when I have a bunch more strange things for you to see.
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Bad, bad, bad toys. Seriously, who would have these on display in their home? They’re all pretty horrible, but the figure on the far right where she’s wearing the knee-high boots takes first prize for me.
Who the hell thought this was a good idea? Sheesh.
Would you call that the “Booby” Prize Gary?
Ha ha. You said booby.
88 episodes times 44 minutes equals 3872 minutes of Pam Anderson trying to deliver dialog.
Yet Firefly only got 14 episodes. The universe hates me
So if I’m understanding you correctly Mat, there are 630 minutes of Firefly (15 x 42 according to IMDB). That means if we divide the VIP minutes by the Firefly minutes, i.e. 3872 by 630, we get a ratio of 6.15. I conclude therefore that VIP is over six times better than Firefly… does that sound about right?
“According to Jim” had 182 episodes. So it is 12 times better that Firefly. “Family Matters”, with 215 episodes, is 14 times better that Firefly. And “7th Heaven” at 244 episodes, is 16 times better than Firefly.
I don’t have all the numbers yet. So I can’t conclude the ratio of how much more the universe hates me compared to everyone else.
Thank goodness you didn’t decide to compare it to General Hospital